The 1st Annual Castillo Awards

The 42nd Annual Country Music Awards took place this past week and although I wanted to see Billy Ray Cyrus prove that he'll always be the biggest embarrassment in the Cyrus family, I am not much of a country music fan and missed it. Yet, I respect the country music industry and its award ceremonies.

The CMA's were not the only industry to put on an award show this past week, so if you missed it you still could've fed your appetite for award shows with the Latin Grammys, MTV Europe Music Awards, Glamour's Women of the Year Awards, The Environmental Media Awards, The BMI Country Awards, The Tech Awards or MTVu's Woodie awards ... fascinating.

It seems like there is an award show for everything nowadays, so it got me thinking: is there any reason there can't be a Castle awards show? And thus, The 1st annual Castillo Awards were born. For those of you who may be lost on why the name of my award show resembles the name of a Latin baseball player, "Castillo" is the Spanish translation of "Castle" –so it's only semi-random.

With the theme of respecting an industry whose awards show I don't pay attention to, the Castillo Awards will be honoring the things I have rarely encountered in life. All the following winners are what I assume to be of the highest quality in its category that I have, for one reason or another, never really experienced.

Best Entertainer - Danny Gans:

My first spiky-headed statuette goes to a man who is claimed to be the entertainer of the year ten years running on huge billboards all over Las Vegas, yet my unwillingness to pay $140 for a single ticket has left me in the dark on exactly what he does.

Best Movie - Citizen Kane

I don't know why, but me and this movie have never been in a room together. But I've always heard good things.

Best TV Show – "M*A*S*H"

My parents loved it and that seemed to be the unanimous opinion of their generation. Even though I can never pay attention through a full episode, I trust their opinion.

Best Music - The Rolling Stones

I apologize to their legions of fans, their sound just doesn't really do it for me, but I'm pretty sure they sent a good message and I'm in support of that. Not to mention they've sold something like nine trillion albums, so they must be doing something right.

Best Book - The Da Vinci Code

I heard the movie is outstanding, but only if you have read the book. And if you do take the time to read the book, you will feel way more intelligent, which is always beneficial to one's cultural cognizance.

Best sport - Cricket

I don't really understand it, which is saying something considering I've actually taken the time to try to figure it out. But the British can't get enough of it; they eat that cricket stuff right up.

Best food - Caviar

It's expensive, right? At least it sounds expensive ... I don't even really know, but it sounds classy enough to take home a Castillo on this occasion.

Best pet - Dog or a Jaguar

I actually never had a dog growing up, but I am a firm believer that they give the companionship a young kid needs in life. However, I now live in a home which houses two dogs. Boss and Bruce have filled that void in my life, so that disqualifies a dog's eligibility for a Castillo ... so I will give the award to the jaguar as the best pet. Think about how cool it would be to say, "I'm going to go feed my pet jaguar."

Best car - Motorcycle

If you can just sack up and get over the death-defying stunt you are attempting the entire time you're riding, you can speed through traffic paying an eighth of what every large vehicle you pass is paying for gas. Plus, I would look like a total badass.