Thesaurus.com

I love Thesaurus.com. I use it with almost every written piece I put out. It helps me expand my vocabulary and thus seem more intelligent.

And yet, I hate Thesaurus.com, it sucks. It always seems to give a collection of stupid words that are no where near what I'm looking for. I actually can recall hearing myself often thinking "This word seems to be the least terrible word to use on the list."

I only go there because its called Thesaurus.com, its the easiest to find. I know there's a better thesaurus out there than this, I'm just too lazy to find it. Its almost like Thesaurus.com is too lethargic to seek out the actual creative and intellectual words that are perfectly synonymous with the word I'm searching for.

But until I find a gifted new way to find synonyms for my written words, I guess its Thesaurus.com for me. SEE?!? I just used it right now to find a substitute word for 'creative.' Yeah, and I got 'gifted'... I rest my case.

The RIngtone Epidemic

The world of ringtones and ringback tones is a very shady business, and one I am not yet willing to trust after having been burned in the area just a few times too many.

First of all, let me start by saying the necessity of having a good ringtone is pretty key, we live in a world in which you can choose any song to be the defining tune that will play each time you get a phone call. People know this and thus, it is expected that you will
have some song that readily defines who you are as a person. Let's face it, having a key-noted chime as your ringtone nowadays just doesn't cut it.

So you need a good ringtone, you want a song that you will love and not get tired of after hearing 5 times, because your going to hear this song multiple times a day. Beyond that you want a song that makes a statement, that statement can be "Nobody Does it Better," or maybe "Champion," or just something as simple as "Hollaback Girl." That way once everyone hears the Gwen Stefani jingle play every time your phone blows up, they recognize that you are no 'hollaback' girl.

Beyond that, you need to find a way of downloading these ringtones that you can trust. Ringtone companies are like the shady drug dealers of the phone world. They act like they're your friends and want to lure you in with amazing deals. They throw big pop names at you in hopes of enticing you to choose them as your ringtone provider. How many times have you seen this ad?:
"Get free 50 Cent, Miley Cyrus and John Mayer ringtones today!!!"

Of course, they are sure to spread out the diversity of music selection across the board. Then all you need to do is click on the wrong link and next thing you know you have a steady addition to your phone bill every month that you weren't even aware you were paying for. They've got you again.

And let's not forget about the recent amazing invention of ringback tones. For those of you who don't know, a ringback tone is the song that plays when you are being called in place of the sound of a phone ring. Now this song is even more defining of you then your ringtone, because it is what everyone hears every time they dial your digits.

I ended up with one of these recently, I say ended up because it was not my intention to make it a ringback tone. I had assumed I was downloading a ringtone but ended up instead with a happy little tune on the other end each time my number is dialed. The song was "International Player's Anthem," so it definitely did define me to a T.

However, the thing you don't realize about ringbacks is that it is impossible to get them off your phone once they have been made your defining anthem. What was once put there by mistake has now become the tune that completely defines who I am for life, whether I want it to or not... which btw, I really don't.

Oh I have tried to remove it, searching all over the web and my own phone to try to rid my phone of the ringback plague, but just as the ringtone companies swerve you into paying for their ringtone sites, they just as easily will swindle you into spending money in an attempt to get rid of your ringback. I thought I had done the necessary procedure to rid my phone of the ringback curse forever, but instead have discovered that I apparently just signed myself up to receive monotonous text messages from a random source informing me of entertainment news I wouldn't pick up a magazine to find out about. So now when I get a text message, rather than seeing the message a close friend has sent me, I get delightful tidbits such as:

"you heard right: Shaniqua Tompkins is suing Fiddy for $50 million. What, like she'd pick a number other than 50??"
or...
"Coolio has joined a leading "go green" movement focused on historically black colleges and universities. Global warming? Global COOLIOing!"

I swear on my late grandmother's grave it says that, I could not make up cheese like that and pass it off as something that a real person has stated.

So here is my warning for all unassuming ringtone inquirers out there; be careful when selecting your ringtone provider. Go with someone you trust, and choose a tune that best describes you, or at least what you want to describe you best. And stay away from ringback's, they seem like a cute idea on the surface, but really just brings down respectability and will apparently haunt you forever... damn player's anthem...

Brett Favre and the Packers

Brett Favre and the Packers: Does anybody else think this story is batshit crazy?

-This one is straight from the top, that's journalism terms for 'free-styling,' if writing was to be compared to hip hop. Now I just read this story right now about how Brett Favre is asking his longtime team, the Green Bay Packers, for a release because his plans of coming out of retirement was not exactly met with excitement from the Packers' organization.

Favre had just announced his retirement a few months earlier following Green Bay's loss in the NFC championship game to the New York Giants. So now Brett Favre will come out of retirement to play one last season and play for some other team? You mean I might have to watch 'Brett Favre the Chief,' or some lame team like that?

All I know is that if I was a resident of Green Bay, Wisconsin I would absolutely be shitting bricks right now. Your long-time hero, who you've idolized since you were a kid because he was the best player in the league and he happened to play for your crappy town's
team, is coming out of retirement to play for another team.

A retirement that had you crying for a week and I believe was deemed a national day of mourning for the entire city by the mayor of Green Bay. You lived with that Brett Favre life-size stand-up in the corner of your room for years for Christ sakes, and let's be honest it was there for a little too long and you knew that. At some point in what is considered 'adulthood,' it is no longer considered OK to have a giant stand-up of a professional athlete, or for that matter a professional anything, in the corner of your room.

I see I've digressed once again, the point is the day you feared for years finally came a few months ago when Favre claimed he was hangin' 'em up. The only clamor of hope you had was that Brett would miraculously change his mind right before training camp opened up, look his teammate's right in the eyes and say

"OK guys, let's give it another shot."

And then the Packers charge through the season riding the momentum of Favre's last run and win the Super Bowl. A campaign would probably be created at some point announcing "This one's for Brett." And all sorts of paraphernalia would be sold with the phrase scribed across it, from T-shirts to coffee mugs to beer cozies, it would become a phenomenon.

Yes, that was the vision if you could write the future yourself. Well Brett grabbed that pen, and he was on his way to hand it to you, but the Packers organization have stepped in front of him and slapped the proverbial pen out of his hand.

Now you will have to watch the "This one's for Brett" campaign play out for another city. And he'll probably wear some ugly uniform that only conjures up memories for everyone of how horrible Michael Jordan looked in a Wizards jersey. Even though no uni's are as hideous as the Green and yellow garb your Pack dons every Sunday, but your mind has learned to love those colors. I know how it is, that same psyche has seen me sport a whole lot of purple and gold in my lifetime.

I think what I get most from all of this is how crazy the world of professional sports is, you seriously never know what in God's name is going to happen next. From an outsider's perspective a sport consists of two teams playing a game that are a part of an entire league of athletic franchises. But when you really watch sports 365, you see that crazy stories and scenarios come up like this all the time. And sometimes things happen that not even Hollywood can script.

Its always nice to be reminded of why football is awesome. And all sports for that matter. GO FOOTBALL! GO AMERICA!! GO LAKERS!!!

~Castle

A course in elevator etiquette

Have you ever noticed that in no school, office or building, is there a more awkward and quiet room than the one that transports people from floor to floor. I’m speaking of course of elevators, and if you’re like me, you take a ride in these at least once a day and are completely aware of the awkward nature of which they possess.

Without a doubt, elevators are the most awkward 5X6 square feet box that you will ever stand in. Why is this? Why is the inescapable awkwardness that chases us down like a rabid dog always so evident every time we step in through those sliding doors? From the awkward battle for who presses the buttons to the awkward decision of whose going to step out first, elevator rides are generally the most uncomfortable 15-20 seconds of our day.

First of all, why are people so afraid to speak in the confines of an elevator? It’s as though we are being charged by the word. Is it the fact that nobody else is speaking and thus, listening in on every word you’re saying, whether they want to or not? I even find myself doing it, its as though my mind won’t allow me to do anything but eavesdrop on the single conversation taking place and I’m somehow forced to ponder what they’re talking about and how it possibly applies to their life. Perhaps it’s the fact that we know the ride will end shortly and don’t want to dive into a conversation that will be ended within the next 30 seconds.

Let’s go over some of our different scenarios and characters that we inevitably come across in these cubicles of bore. There’s cell phone-shouting Steve, the man who feels the need to take his important phone conversations into the elevator with him. Because for some reason he relishes the fact that his voice is the only one being spoken, and that you need to hear every word of it. Then there’s Lazy Larry, who steps in and presses the two-button. Is an elevator ride really necessary to up yourself one floor? Take the stairs jerk. Don’t forget about Tony the Talker, who for some reason feels the need to start talking to you mid-conversation, as if you’d had something before the trip to the elevator.

“Women, they’re something else, right?”

I’m sorry who are you? Are you really expecting constructive feedback in the allotted period of time provided within the period of time provided within this elevator ride? Riding with this guy can be as annoying as listening to a person explain the significance of their tribal tattoo. No, I don’t buy that it represents your mother and her struggle; you know you sat in the chair and said ‘tat me up something fresh doc!’ But I digress.

How about the rare instance of finding yourself paired up with a little cutie for the ride? And the realization that comes over you that you have 30 seconds to come up with something witty to spit at the risk of your ego taking just another bruise it didn’t need. Or the horrible occasion inn which you stand side by side with your professor and you realize as much as it kills you, forced small talk is necessary.

And who doesn’t love when the door opens up at the 5^th floor and nobody gets in or out, just another 8 seconds you can’t get back. And at no point in my day do I feel more intelligent than when I step out the first time the door opens, fully expecting it to be my floor. Then of course my pride won’t let face the embarrassment of turning back and admitting to three strangers that I hopped off too early, so I wait for the next ride to roll by.

Maybe if we all tried a little harder we could fix this terribly awkward situation that is the elevator ride. We’ve all faked the door-open button-push as someone runs up to the closing door, we’ve all made that struggle to the front of the group to exit. We’ve all sat in that terrible silence with no sounds other than the elevator tracks and a cough or a sneeze and maybe a ‘bless you’ if someone is feeling bold enough. So let’s work together and try just a little harder, maybe we can all help liven up the elevator scene.

So I’m challenging you, next time you walk in the elevator, start some brief but interesting small talk, and if that’s asking too much, how about a ‘hello.’

Just remember, everyone else on the elevator is just like you, we all feel that awkward tension so strongly that it punches us in the face. Does it need to be this way? If we work together, we can make the elevator a fun place… or at least bearable.