The RIngtone Epidemic

The world of ringtones and ringback tones is a very shady business, and one I am not yet willing to trust after having been burned in the area just a few times too many.

First of all, let me start by saying the necessity of having a good ringtone is pretty key, we live in a world in which you can choose any song to be the defining tune that will play each time you get a phone call. People know this and thus, it is expected that you will
have some song that readily defines who you are as a person. Let's face it, having a key-noted chime as your ringtone nowadays just doesn't cut it.

So you need a good ringtone, you want a song that you will love and not get tired of after hearing 5 times, because your going to hear this song multiple times a day. Beyond that you want a song that makes a statement, that statement can be "Nobody Does it Better," or maybe "Champion," or just something as simple as "Hollaback Girl." That way once everyone hears the Gwen Stefani jingle play every time your phone blows up, they recognize that you are no 'hollaback' girl.

Beyond that, you need to find a way of downloading these ringtones that you can trust. Ringtone companies are like the shady drug dealers of the phone world. They act like they're your friends and want to lure you in with amazing deals. They throw big pop names at you in hopes of enticing you to choose them as your ringtone provider. How many times have you seen this ad?:
"Get free 50 Cent, Miley Cyrus and John Mayer ringtones today!!!"

Of course, they are sure to spread out the diversity of music selection across the board. Then all you need to do is click on the wrong link and next thing you know you have a steady addition to your phone bill every month that you weren't even aware you were paying for. They've got you again.

And let's not forget about the recent amazing invention of ringback tones. For those of you who don't know, a ringback tone is the song that plays when you are being called in place of the sound of a phone ring. Now this song is even more defining of you then your ringtone, because it is what everyone hears every time they dial your digits.

I ended up with one of these recently, I say ended up because it was not my intention to make it a ringback tone. I had assumed I was downloading a ringtone but ended up instead with a happy little tune on the other end each time my number is dialed. The song was "International Player's Anthem," so it definitely did define me to a T.

However, the thing you don't realize about ringbacks is that it is impossible to get them off your phone once they have been made your defining anthem. What was once put there by mistake has now become the tune that completely defines who I am for life, whether I want it to or not... which btw, I really don't.

Oh I have tried to remove it, searching all over the web and my own phone to try to rid my phone of the ringback plague, but just as the ringtone companies swerve you into paying for their ringtone sites, they just as easily will swindle you into spending money in an attempt to get rid of your ringback. I thought I had done the necessary procedure to rid my phone of the ringback curse forever, but instead have discovered that I apparently just signed myself up to receive monotonous text messages from a random source informing me of entertainment news I wouldn't pick up a magazine to find out about. So now when I get a text message, rather than seeing the message a close friend has sent me, I get delightful tidbits such as:

"you heard right: Shaniqua Tompkins is suing Fiddy for $50 million. What, like she'd pick a number other than 50??"
or...
"Coolio has joined a leading "go green" movement focused on historically black colleges and universities. Global warming? Global COOLIOing!"

I swear on my late grandmother's grave it says that, I could not make up cheese like that and pass it off as something that a real person has stated.

So here is my warning for all unassuming ringtone inquirers out there; be careful when selecting your ringtone provider. Go with someone you trust, and choose a tune that best describes you, or at least what you want to describe you best. And stay away from ringback's, they seem like a cute idea on the surface, but really just brings down respectability and will apparently haunt you forever... damn player's anthem...