Breaking the 'Nice guys finish last' myth

You’re out on the big date with that special girl you’ve had your eye on. It’s the night you’ve been anticipating for what feels like an eternity. Cupid’s arrow has leaked optimism and excitement into your blood. You now believe this is the absolute perfect girl for you, and the only way you can go about life as a happy man is to make her your girl.

Everything has been going well all night. You’re being a gentleman and treating her with all the respect she deserves. The end of the night rolls around and your nerves don’t let you possibly do what would ruin what’s been a lovely evening. You choose to pass on making a move, and settle for an awkward goodnight hug.

A few days go by and you give her a call hoping to recreate the magical evening, only to hear the dreaded words every guy hates accepting: “I think we should just be friends.” It’s amazing that such an innocent-sounding statement can establish such fire in the pit of a man’s soul. Women’s code for disinterest that was so brilliantly crafted sometime in the dawn of female existence, so uniquely developed to make a rebuttal virtually impractical.

A month later you run into your dream girl and your body can’t help but tingle with excitement upon seeing her again. Then you actually feel your heart tear in half upon her next statement:

“This is my new boyfriend, Spike,” she says as she stares at him with lustful eyes of infatuation.

Spike grips your hand as he stares coldly in your eyes. " 'S' up, bra,” he spits, as he puts his arm around the girl you’ve come to believe is your one and only, demonstrating full possession.

Does this sound like a familiar tale to you? Have you found that being the "really good guy" doesn’t seem to get you any further than a smile and a wave? Then you are probably also quite familiar with the old saying, “nice guys finish last.”

This is an expression that has tied confusion and frustration into a hurricane of heartache for countless men.

As crushing as the term can be, do not succumb to the myth.

“Nice guys finish last” has developed an even stronger fictional theory among certain males that girls enjoy being treated like trash. Plenty of guys believe the more malicious they are to a girl the more attracted she is to them, and oftentimes this idea is based upon resentment from previous rejection. While this strategy may inexplicably work for some guys, it is definitely no way to carry oneself. It targets weakness in females and exploits their insecurities, and thus it is my belief that the girls this strategy works on are weak themselves.

The general problem the majority of nice guys who feel they’re finishing last have is not a result of their good-natured intentions, but rather their self-confidence, or lack thereof.

Some people go wrong with the concept of self-confidence, however, while secretly struggling with their own self-acceptance. When someone tries exhibiting their confidence with underlying insecurities, it creates a flaw in character that is easily detectable; this results in cocky and pompous personalities.

True self-confidence doesn’t need to be shown, it just needs to be felt. If you believe your clothes look right, your music taste is legit and your conversation is entertaining, then they are, and you can take it from there.

I don’t claim to have the key to what women want. I believe pursuit of that key is a complicated maze that will leave you delirious – but self-confidence is a good start.

So if you’re a nice guy who’s drowning in the vicious pool of relations, don’t stop paddling, because everyone likes being treated with respect. It’s your own shoes that need to be comfortable. Accept that before stepping on anybody else’s. The walk through the tunnel of love can be dark, but a true gentleman always shines through.